So let’s talk about how to talk to new people. One of the many topics I hope to cover in the “adulting” category. Because it’s kind of hard and awkward to meet new people as an adult.

Or maybe it’s just me?

The post could also be called, “how to talk to people” which is something I struggle with as an awkward, dorky, introvert with sometimes holier-than-though attitudes OR the stark opposite I-am-failing-at-life-and-everyone-is-better-than-me attitudes.

What sparked this post:

A couple of weeks ago, we celebrated Dave (my fiancé)’s 28th birthday. Yup, I am a year and a half older than him (which always makes me excited to celebrate a birthday with him because I seem a little less older).

We invited people over to our house and most of the people that showed up were understandably Dave’s friends and girlfriends/wives. The gals that I chatted with were super friendly and I had met most of them before, but we aren’t BFFs by any means.

I found myself both making excellent conversation (aided by the margarita I just slurped down at Chili’s) AND making certain conversations super awkwardsauce.

Since I’m one of those people who is constantly evaluating and questioning everything, I’ve thought about what went right and what went wrong. Mix in my previous 29 years of awkward experience and you are obviously in for a treat of a post.

PS. Thank you!

PS I want to thank everyone who read my first blog post about going back to school and especially for those of you who left such thoughtful comments. I cannot tell you how good it is to be able to communicate with my readers (and that’s you!). I try to always respond to comments regardless of the post date, so feel free to share your two cents if you haven’t already!

On with the post!

how to talk to new people. what to say and more importantly: what not to say.

1. Know what to say when someone asks, “what do you do?”

aka know your elevator pitch (although you shouldn’t really have to pitch everyone at a party…it’s just a phrase I’ve heard on a lot of podcasts.)

This is so basic it’s laughable, but I find myself constantly stumbling over it.

What the heck do I do?

“Well, I work at Jo on the Go (no one knows what the heck that means) and I’m also about to start school in a week for elementary education (wait, how old are you?).”

It was even worse when I wasn’t going back to school and I would just say, “I work at Jo on the Go (again, what the heck is that?) and write a couple of blogs (sure, my grandma has a blog. sounds neato.).”

In a previous post, I talked about how there were people who could not understand that I was only working at a café part time, NOT going to school at all, and blogging.

It’s tough when you can’t answer the, “what do you do?” question concisely and it can bring conversation to a halt or worse—spiral it downward into a pile of shame and regret. #awkwardsauce

I’ve found out that I do have to explain what Jo on the Go is (coffee catering. I will expand if needed and sometimes it’s fun to talk about events we do.) and I’m still working on explaining in a short sentence why I am nearly 30 and trying to finish my degree.

2. Don’t bum people out.

This kind of goes along with the last point. If part of, “what you do” at the moment is simply unpacking all of the boxes in your house because you just moved (this was me for a period of two months—I only worked at my part time job and moving into our house…and at the time I was totally ashamed I wasn’t doing anything “real” with my life), try to make it sound more fun and less depressing than it really is.

Trust me, you don’t want to completely bum people out when you first hang out with them.

Toasty tip: try to end on a positive note. Just because life isn’t peachy doesn’t mean that it won’t get better. If you want to get real for a second about how crappy everything is, try to end it with something like, “but what’re you gonna do?” And then immediately ask the other person a question.

3. Don’t pretend everything is perfect.

On the same line, don’t pretend like everything is awesome. No one is more universally hated than the person who seems to have it all together.

The person who brags about all of their latest accomplishments, their perfect kids, their perfect job, their perfect husband…

This person doesn’t even seem human.

This person is a Pinterest fantasy.

The thing is, it’s so tempting to pretend to be this person! (or am I the only one that wants to be perfect?) And it might even be necessary depending on the situation, but I think it’s something to be aware of.

Toasty tip: I’ve found what works for me is self deprecation. Make fun of yourself a little if you feel yourself getting too braggy.

4. Ask what people have been watching on Netflix.

I kind of hate talking about myself.

I know, that’s a lot of what blogging is, but I can take my time and edit and I don’t see people looking at me with what I fear is judgment in their eyes. All I see on a blog is words filling up a page.

It can get tense when talking about real things.

If it gets too deep (see last point), redirect to Netflix.

Seriously, almost everyone has Netflix, right?

I found out by asking this question that most of the gals I was talking to this past weekend LOVED Gilmore Girls (a serious obsession of mine) and we might even have a viewing party shindig when the new revival episodes come out.

I also found out that I’m the only one who hasn’t watched Grey’s Anatomy, so there’s that, too.